I'll apologize in advance for the lengthiness. You all know me, I love to talk so keeping things short and sweet has always been difficult for me, but I tried, I really did. I stumbled upon an old poem titled Holland the other day (it's attached at the bottom) and it got me thinking a lot, and I felt called to share my thoughts.
Being a parent is the most challenging and rewarding job in the world, and being a mom of a child with a disability whether it is learning or physical, mild or severe, simply changes the challenges and rewards. We are fortunate that Drew's disabilities are minor compared to many, however for me the unknown of the future that comes with brain injuries is my battle.
I've learned a lot as a mom to Drew. I've learned that what makes him special bothers those around him more than it does him. In fact he doesn't even see himself as "different", he doesn't see the challenges he faces as weakness, he usually doesn't even see defeat. He doesn't have a good understanding of emotional pain; sadness, loss and even death elude him. This blesses him even more because 99.9% of the time Drew is happy and LOVES life. When kids make fun of him or try to hurt him, he still thinks they are his friend and doesn't view their cruelty as it truly is; if asked everyone is his friend! He sees goodness in people when goodness is hard to find.
He may not understand all the social norms our society has in place, he may say things that are inappropriate or he may even do things that are inappropriate, but he isn't trying to be defiant, he isn't trying to hurt anyone. He tends to talk way too loud, get way too excited, but again, he LOVES life, and he loves people. Drew loves to give hugs, to cuddle and to to be physically close. He's happiest sitting in the kitchen watching me cook and asking how my day was, while the other boys want to be off playing. He's compliant and does great with following the rules as long as he knows them. But don't expect him to just know them or don't assume that he'll get it, because he doesn't always "just get" things.
Because of his brain injuries the future is still unknown. All I know is that the God I serve is an amazing and awesome God who can do great things beyond what our limited human knowledge tells us is possible. When Drew sustained his brain injuries he had 3 major brain bleeds and the outcome was shaky. Because he had lost all muscle control and was unable to keep his feedings down and his brain had swollen so much with all the bleeding, the Dr.'s told us that he may never walk, he may never talk, and he may never be able to eat normally, with brain injuries you take it one day at a time.
I was devastated, here was my 5 month old baby that I had huge dreams for and over night it changed. Why would God let this happen? Why was He punishing me? Well, He wasn't punishing me and He didn't just let this happen, He just has plans that are bigger and greater than I could ever imagine. Drew did walk when he was almost 18 months; he waited until he was almost 3 to talk; and after 6 months of thickening his milk, eating was no longer a concern. Some of us are flying through life always in a hurry; I like to think that Drew has it all figured out; this life is so good, we need to slow down and enjoy it. Life is too short to get upset about things and to be too peticular about the small things. So who cares what the guy next to you thinks, jump up and down for joy, get excited and LOVE life!
Even though I cried a lot in the beginning and still do occasionally cry for him, most days I find that more than anything I am frustrated with people. People that get easily annoyed with him, or yell at him for something he can't control. People who don't understand that just because he knows how to do something doesn't mean he will know those same things tomorrow. When people think they can lecture him or belittle him and somehow change the way he is. I want to scream, don't you see that he doesn't understand your anger and he doesn't understand your lectures?
Some days are really good and others not so. I pray daily for patience and understanding. I know I'll never fully understand, but when you look back at where we've been and where we could be I'm thankful. God is good, and when we put our trust and faith in Him, He will always care for us, even when things don’t turn out like we thought they should or how we had planned. He will always provide and most of all He will never leave us. No matter how dark or deep the valley, He has seen what is ahead and He has already provided a way if we will simply let go and follow where He is leading us. There is nothing too big or too little, we just need to lay it His feet; the battle has already been won.
Thank you to everyone; everyone who has helped me by caring for my Drew; for loving him and being patient with him; for teaching him; for listening to me when I needed to vent and needed encouragement. My prayer for each of you is to build a lasting relationship with our Father in Heaven, if your holding anything back give it to Him and place your trust in Him today. Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Love, Allison
Holland
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Love, Allison
Holland
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
