Not a typical Christmas

This hasn't been a typical Christmas for us. This is the first year I wasn't running around worrying about last minute presents, in fact I didn't have to worry about presents at all this year. God presented our family with an awesome opportunity, instead of buying Christmas presents our family is leaving tomorrow for a 7 day mission trip. When the idea of not buying Christmas presents started to sink in I have to admit it really started to bother me. I started to fret and second guess myself. This second guessing didn't come because anyone expects gifts from us or because our kids were angry that there weren't any presents under the tree (they never once complained), but it came because I truly enjoy giving gifts.

As I sit here amongst the mess in my bedroom trying to pack for tomorrows journey, I realize that by falling God's call I learned how to enjoy Christmas in a way I would've never imagined. Usually I'm so busy with all my lists, making sure I spent evenly on the kids, worrying if everyone would like their gift, hoping not to duplicate and worst of all - fighting the crowds in the stores. But this year we didn't have any of that. We just enjoyed each other, we talked about the gift of Jesus more and we spent more time with family.

And I pray that as we leave tomorrow for Mississippi that we do more than just build a house. I pray we build relationships and that our relationship with our Heavenly Father is strengthened in ways we never dreamed possible. That our children see that the true gift, not just at Christmas but throughout the year, is the gift of helping and loving others; not because we have to, but because we choose to. I pray that the people we meet and those that just hear about what we are doing don't see us, but see Jesus Christ. I pray that these 7 days plant seeds that will impact lives greatly, seeds we may never even see bloom until we reach heaven.

I'm not sure if we'll have internet access in Mississippi, if we do I'll blog before I go to bed each night. If not I'll have lots to tell after the first of the year. In case I don't have access I want to challenge you as you make your New Year's Resolutions for 2010. In a fast paced society I challenge you to try and simplify your life, slow down and enjoy the little things in life. There is always going to be a bigger and better something out there, and chasing material things only leaves us empty.

Matthew 6: 19-21 says "Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! - stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being."

I pray that you know that our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ has been pursuing a relationship with you from the beginning of time. There is no greater gift than the gift of love and salvation that He has to offer. He won't force it on you, but it is yours if you choose. No other king in the history of the world has stepped down from his throne. Over 2000 years ago He left all His glory to join us as a baby in a manager, not because He had to, but because He chose to. His love for us is immeasurable and will sustain you through all things.  His love will never fail, will never rust, can never be stolen.  He's waiting, if you listen closely you can hear Him calling your name, will you follow?

The Choice

I read something in my devotional this morning that I thought was worth sharing.  Too often we go around acting as if stuff has happened to us, and sometimes it does, but most of the time it is how we choose to react.  We can choose to live life with love or hate, joy or sorrow, peace or turmoil.  At the end it is our choices, not the circumstances, that matter.

I'm constantly amazed by the resilence of the human spirit and the awesome hand of God at work in our lives.  No matter what you are going through at this very moment I invite you to choose.

I choose love...

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness.  I choose love.  Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy...

I will invite God to be the God of circumstance.  I will refuse the temptation to be cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker.  I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God.  I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace...

I will live forgiven.  I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience...

I will overlook the incoviencce of the world.  Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so.  Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray.  Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness...

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.  Kind to the rich, for they are afraid.  And kind to to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness...

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one.  I will be overlooked before I will boast.  I will confess before I accuse.  I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness...

Today I will keep my promises.  My debtors will not regret their trust.  My associates will not question my word.  My wife will not question my love.  And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose gentleness...

Nothing is won by force.  I choose to be gentle.  If I raise my voice may it only be in praise.  If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer.  If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control...

I am a spiritual being.  After this body is dead, my spirit will soar.  I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal.  I choose self-control.  I will be drunk only by joy, I will be impassioned only by my faith.  I will be influenced only by God.  I will be taught only by Christ.  I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  To these I commit my day.  If I succeed, I will give thanks.  If I fail, I will seek His grace.  And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Can I just skip Mondays?

So the past 7 days have been full of injuries for our family. I felt like I lived at the Dr. last week...

Monday started the week off on the wrong foot last week. Drew and the neighbor boy were playing baseball in the yard when for some reason they decided that using a basketball instead of a baseball was a better idea. Well Drew quickly discovered that hitting a basketball will cause the bat to bounce back and hit you in the face. Suddenly the basketball was not such a great idea and Drew's eye was swelling. By morning it was swollen shut and he had quite the black eye.

Tuesday I went to the Dr. because I have been having lots of pain in my hip and lower back. After a 5 minute exam the Dr. says "You have hip bursitis, I'll give you a script for Naproxen and go to physical therapy". So by Tuesday afternoon I was in therapy.

Tuesday night just after Bible study as the girls were leaving, Mom and I decided to take Miss. Kathryn for a ride to see Christmas lights. In the process of getting to the van she was got knocked off the front porch by the dog on accident and landed on her eye on the step. You guessed it, another black eye. Poor thing she was such a little trooper, she only screamed for a minute and then was back on her original mission of us taking her for a ride to see the Christmas lights in the neighborhood.

So this morning as I'm emptying the dishwasher Tannin and Drew were
goofing off and Tannin fell over backwards onto the dishwasher and landed on a kitchen knife. I praise God that it went into his upper leg and not his back. He ended up having to go to the ER and got 11 stitches. He had a gash that was about 2 inches long and about 2.5 inches deep. We are watching it closely because even after we got home he was still bleeding. After a quick call to the ER they recommended we change the bandage and pressure bandage it. If it is still bleeding here by 3 I am going to have to take him back to the ER and possibly have more stitches, we are just praying that doesn't happen.

I think I should just invest in a bunch of bubble wrap and wrap my kids...

Conditional Love

So I've been talking to a good friend of mine about Jesus. He doesn't really know what to think about Jesus. He does know what he thinks about the majority of people he knows or has had contact with who claim to know this Jesus guy and call themselves Christians. He doesn't feel very loved by some of these people and he definitely doesn't feel welcomed in their churches.

It is ironic to me that he referred to the church as "their" church, not God's church. Sadly some churches have become more about themselves; having the biggest and best church, the richest church, the prettiest, the most popular, the most serving... Maybe we are drifting from what God intended the church and His people to be.

If you have read anything that Jesus taught then you know He talked a lot about love. He was always in relationship with people. In fact when Jesus was asked, "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?" he replied, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind' - this is the great and foremost commandment, and there is a second like it, 'You shall love your neighbour as yourself'. The whole Law and Prophets hang on these two commands." (Mtt 22:37-40, Mrk 12:28-34).

We talk a lot about love, about unconditional love, but do we truly give it? I tend to say very few if any of us love unconditionally. We have a set of "rules" and if you don't follow those rules then we limit the love we give. This friend of mine said these "rules" really turns him off from wanting to ever go to church. He said he felt like he couldn't be himself around "Christians" and still be loved, he felt as if he had to become a clone of some sort. If he slipped up and cussed or if he wore strange clothes or tattooed his body or smoked a cigarette he would be judged, and nobody wants to be judged.

This really bothers me. Didn't Jesus say that is how people would know we were His? Jesus said, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35). He didn't say love them if they don't cuss, love them if they turn from homosexuality, love them if they dress nice and take a shower. He said, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Notice the period, there is no stipulation to that love. And if you know anything about Jesus, He loved the unclean, the sinner. So why can't we? Why must we feel like we must change people in order to love them? Have we not learned by now that it is not our job to change people, but God's; our job is to love them, unconditionally.

I've seen it happen, I've been guilty of it. Someone does something that you don't approve of and so you withhold love to "teach" them. We withhold love to try and change people and that is the exact opposite of what Jesus taught us. He taught us to lavishly love people and He not only spoke it but He taught it through example. God NEVER withholds love from us to teach us. His love is unconditional.

We judge people subconsciously all the time. What would this world look like if we loved people not just with our words but with our whole heart. God is not a Republican or a Democrat; He is not rallying for gay rights or rallying against them; He is not a conservative or a liberal. He is love, and I believe if you and I gave unconditional love the world would change because God would be freely working in it.

My friend isn't offended by Jesus, he is offended by Christians. He said he wants to know more about this Jesus that I so dearly love but doesn't think he would be valued or loved in church. It breaks my heart to think that people feel safer outside the church than in it. I challenge you to pray that God will fill you with His love and that you can see people as He sees them. I guarantee you will see God work through that love, it will free you and change the world.

Fear

Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears. ~ Rudyard Kipling

Fear is paralyzing, destructive and one of the evil one's greatest weapons. You can't live if you are living in fear. You can't fulfill God's will in your life if you are stuck in fear. I was talking with one of my mentor's last night and we were discussing how fear paralyzes us. How easy it is to become a victim of fear and not even know it. How something that may seem so insignificant could be keeping you from living out God's purpose for you.

For my dear friend, he found that his fear was actually his calling. And knowing him, I can't imagine him doing any other job than what he is currently doing. He is so perfectly suited for the job and is a daily blessing to those in he serves through our awesome God.

There are many fears; fear we aren't good enough, fear we will fail, fear of death, fear of pain... I could type for days of all the fears that exist in this world. But what is greater to talk about is the one who can conquer our fear.

Isaiah 41:10 says “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” When we fear the future Jesus reminds us that our God who is mighty and powerful cares for the birds of the air, therefore how much more will He provide for His children? “So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” Matthew 10:31.

In Psalm 56:11 the psalmist writes, “In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” This is how we should live our lives, through the power of trusting God. No matter what happens on this earth, the psalmist knows his God is more powerful than any fear.  Our God is bigger than any fear we may entertain.

Trusting God is not as simple as just saying I trust Him. It is a daily choice, it is knowing Him personally and choosing to walk with Him every day of your life. To put the things of this world aside and to choose God. Once you choose God and learn to put your trust in God, you will no longer be afraid of the things of this world that come against you. Whether those things be something as small as spiders or as big as cancer.

God did not create us to live in fear, rather he created us to live in confidence and to walk with the strength only He can provide. "Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." Proverbs 3:25-26. If you don't know the story of Job I encourage you to open your Bible and read it. For even Job knew through all his trials that God was good when he said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” Job 13:15a.

So what is the key to overcoming fear? Total and complete trust and confidence in God. By trusting God you are refusing to give into fear, no matter how big that fear may seem. No matter how dark it may seem, you can trust God's sovereignty. This trust comes through knowing God and knowing His goodness. Things may seem their darkest at times while we walk this earth, but those who walk with the LORD don't walk in darkness. Ephesians 5:8 tells us "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light."

What a great Sunday afternoon

I guess having been down from surgery for the past few days has kinda gotten me in a bit of a funk.  I'm a busy body, I like to be doing things, I like to be on the go when possible.  Bless my husband, he knows this, so he took us hiking Sunday.  Yeah, hiking 5 days after surgery probably wasn't the smartest thing.  I mean it isn't like I climbed Mt. Everest, we just walked around Comlara Lake.  Even though we walked at Kat's pace, as Miss. Independent felt she should be able to walk and not be carried, I still paid for it last night.

The colors were so beautiful.  Kat was having so much fun playing with the brightly colored leaves.  The boys had a blast just running up and down the trails with the dog and hiding from each other.  It was fun to just be out enjoying God's creation.  He really has created a beautiful world.  Every time I start getting down all I need to do is look outside and look at the beauty He created all around us, it truly is incredible.

When we finished hiking we came home and carved pumpkins.  The kids really had a good time carving pumpkins.  Andy wasn't thrilled as he is allergic to pumpkins.  We usually get field pumpkins from a friend of dad's, but this year we didn't and bought them from the Jewel Osco.  Field pumpkins have way more guts than the store bought kind.  Made for a much better outcome on Andy's poor hands.  Tannin did feel cheated, he was expecting way more guts and was kind of sad.
 

Heavenly Surprises

What a crazy 24 hours.  I hadn't been feeling the greatest the last few days, Tuesday morning my pain got so bad I asked my husband to take me to the emergency room, 13 hours later I was in surgery having my appendix removed.  It is amazing how fast things can happen.

Makes you stop and think about how fast life can change.  I guess I get so caught up and busy in my life that I don't always take the time to stop and smell the flowers.  I know that is pretty cliche but it really is true.  I lose out on so much every single day because I'm so busy that I don't even notice all the wonders and exciting things that our Holy and Amazing God has created for us.

I talked with a dear friend, Pastor Dwight, today and he told me that he was praying that God will surprise me with something today.  And it really made me think about all the heavenly surprises He has given me that I've never even noticed.  If your a parent you can totally relate to this.  You find something or do something for your child that you think is super fun or super cool and they don't even notice.

And it hurts when it goes unnoticed.  You didn't do it for the recognition, you did it so your child would be surprised with something and get enjoyment from it.  You anticipated their pleasure or joy from this unexpected surprise and when they don't notice you are hurt because you didn't get to see the joy in them.  It was never for you, but always for them.

I wonder if God feels the same way when I don't slow down and notice all the wonders He places in front of me.  I wonder if He is looking down on me saying, "Child if you would just take the time to look I have so much for you, so much I want to share with you".

Cause I truly believe that one of God's greatest desires is to enjoy me and for me to enjoy Him.  To think that He loves me and will never let go of me is really all I need at the end of the day.  He has blessed me beyond words with a husband like no other; 4 incredibly smart & fun children; the best parents a kid could ask for; an amazing brother; and friends that I cherish more each passing year.

I fell in love with this awesome new song today by Britt Nicole, Set the World on Fire.  There is such truth in her lyrics.  I pray every day that God will take me and use me, in big and small ways.  I can't think of anything better than standing before Him and hearing "Well done good and faithful servant"

My baby is 13

So as I sit here typing this my baby is officially 13.  He turned 13 yesterday and I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around that.  13 years ago life sure was different, I was a 17 year old girl that really had no idea where her life was headed and really didn't have a plan on how I was going to get wherever it was I was going.

Today I'm 30 and  while somedays I feel like that 17 year old girl, life is really good.  God blessed me with such wonderful parents growing up.  I remember the day I told them I was pregnant with Dakota.  Had it not been for them, especially my mom, I wouldn't be the mom that I am today.  They never once suggested anything other than keeping him from the beginning.  While I'm sure it wasn't what they had hoped for they stood by and supported me.  I never realized it at the time, but looking back I can see how they really put their lives on hold so that Dakota could have the best start to his.

I was fortunate that I had done well enough in school that I was able to go to school part time and still graduate with my class.  In fact my GPA my senior year was a 4.0, if only I had tried that hard my previous 3 years.  Mom took care of Dakota on the days I was in school,  she helped me with him at night, she helped me with him when he was sick.  If Josh and I both had to work the same hours, you guessed it, she watched him for us.  She was always there when I needed her.

She was always self-sacrificing, the true meaning of the word.  If you ever want to see the love of Jesus active on this earth you can see it through the way my mom raised us kids, and still raises her grandkids today.  We were always first, always cared for, and yet she disciplined us and taught us manners.  She also taught us how to love God.  She read my Bible to me, she took me to church and all the youth functions.  More often than not she went without so we could have.

So as I sit here reflecting on the last 13 years one thing was constant, the love from my parents.  If I ever questioned anything it was never their love for me.  And I pray that my kids feel the same.  That as Dakota enters these ever so difficult and trying years as a teenager that he knows without a doubt that he is loved and that he is always safe at home.

What will you do with Jesus?

Each of us whether we realize it or not has made a decision about Jesus.  We are each faced with the question of "What will you do with Jesus?" even if it has never been presented to us in that form.  Deep down we all know that we have chosen either directly or indirectly by the way we live our lives.

Jesus is not something that you can make all pretty and fit neatly into a little box to sit on your night stand.  He is not something that you can pick and create to make Him "work:" for you.  He is not something that you can choose to do when it works for you.  He is not something that is a quick fix for something gone wrong.

Some people want to follow a Jesus that they've created, a Jesus who will not interfere with their life; their plans, their time, especially not their sins.  Rather their Jesus is a quiet, polite kinda guy who just smiles at everything they do.  He tends to be their co-pilot rather than their way of life.  Sadly this Jesus cannot save them because this Jesus does not exist.

This Jesus is more comfortable because he doesn't require you to look in the mirror and see all the ugliness and filth that sin has left behind.  This Jesus doesn't require you to be unpopular with your friends or co-workers or sometimes even your family.  This Jesus doesn't require you to change your life plans, to give up your dreams and follow his call.  This Jesus does not exist.

Each of us must decide which Jesus we will follow and we must realize that this decision will have eternal consequences.  We cannot just "wash our hands" of Jesus.  So the question I ask again is "What will you do with Jesus?".  Will you try to recreate Him to work for you, will you just ignore Him or will you go pick up your Bible and know Him.

The real Jesus will never fit in a perfect little box all neat and tidy and stand idly by while you live a life of your choosing.  The real Jesus was born to a virgin in a stable over 2000 years ago.  He walked this earth divine and in relationship with all kinds of people from all areas of life.  He died on the cross for you and for me and He rose from the dead 3 days later.  This Jesus is real and waiting for you to welcome Him into your life.  This Jesus wants a relationship with us and will save us.

Are you cooking for that family again?

Something that I have recently started doing in the past few years is taking meals to people.  I was surprised by how much I love to do this.  As recently as last Thursday and again yesterday I was able to help a family out by taking them meals.

It is crazy to think how much something as simple as a hot meal can mean to someone.  I never knew until we had Kathryn almost 2 years ago.  Within 2 days of bringing her home I was back in the hospital with a postpartum infection.  The wonderful women at Mackinaw Christian Church organized a weeks worth of hot meals to be delivered to us each night at supper time.  The following week my lifelong girlfriends and a few family members pitched in and carried us through another week.  Looking back I don't know how we would've made it through without their thoughtfulness.  While I'm sure we would've survived, it was such a wonderful outpour of love and was truly humbling for me.

After being blessed by all those meals, I wanted to give that gift to others.  I immediately asked to be put on the list at church to deliver meals to others in need and I started doing it for our friends.  Since finding a new church home I didn't realize how much I missed taking meals, until this week when I was able to do it for a family at our new church home.  It felt really good to cook for someone again, I only hope they enjoyed the meal half as much I enjoyed cooking it.

Something else I enjoy while cooking the meal is praying for those who will be receiving the food.  While I sometimes don't know them personally I still pray for them and ask God to bless them and protect them and if they don't know God that they would develop a personal relationship with Him. I thank God for them and remember how I have been blessed by them.

Thursday night I made the family a hot apple crisp and last night they got brownies.  Needless to say my family also wanted brownies, so I decided to surprise them with some tonight.   As I was pulling the brownies out of the oven Tannin looked at me and said "Are you cooking for that family again?"

Calling All Prayer Warriors

Matthew 18:19-20 "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

As you read this a wife of a distant relative of Andy's, Jill Bane, is fighting this horrible disease we call cancer. On January 16th, 2009, Parker and Jill welcomed baby Ella into this world. Shortly after Ella was born Jill was having complications and was transferred to Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. It was there they discovered that she has Burkitt's Lymphoma, and her battle with cancer began.

Since her diagnosis Jill has overcome many obstacles and beaten many odds. She recently had a stem cell transplant, however the lymphoma is persisting and the Doctors fear that the graft won't be able to fight the cancer. I'm not a Doctor, no do I know a lot about how this medical stuff works. What I do know is that Satan is a liar and the God we serve is Mighty! Our God can do all things; for He is the Creator and the Mighty Healer.

Someone posted on the Bane's blog the following today:

CALL ALL PRAYER WARRIORS: Let's all continue to join our hands - symbolically - to form a prayer circle around Jill and her family. The challenge is to pray together at the same time - let's say 12 noon - and pray for a miracle.

Dear God, We implore Your powerful intercession to take this cancer from Jill's body. We ask for Your mercy to help Jill at this hour of need. Our prayers for this miracle are sincere and strong. We believe You are the Only True Healer of all things. In Your Holy Name we pray. Amen.

Deuteronomy 32:30 says, How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the LORD had given them up?

We are mighty in prayer, but we can be mightier when we join together. When we join in unity in prayer, we can do ten times as much as we can by ourselves. God's Word shows there is strength in unity, in many believers coming together as one. It is not that I believe that God answers many before one, but together we are stronger, have more faith joined together, and are more powerful.

Satan is a liar, and seeks to destroy us. When we hear that there is no hope that is Satan's lies. Our God is victorious, He has already won, we just need to stand strong in that victory and believe that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do.

So while I ask that you pray every day at 12 noon, I also ask that you pray without ceasing. Pray that God would move in Jill and there would be no question the healing came from His mighty hand. I ask that you pray for a miracle to be performed here on earth. That no matter what healing path He takes Jill on that He be glorified and more people would come to know Him as their Father because of Jill's battle. We ask healing for Jill in the name of Jesus.

Oh how I love Fall days

Oh how I love Fall.  It has to be my favorite season.  It seems that everyone else is complaining about the cool air, the rainy days and I can't get enough.  I wait all year for these few weeks.  It is sad that it doesn't last long enough.  Sometimes it seems as if we go straight from hot summer days to freezing winter days.

Maybe this is why the idea of moving to a different state is so intriguing to me.  I want to live somewhere with mild temperatures, no more extremes.  I mean seriously in the summer it can be in the 100's with super high humidity and the winters are below 0 with negative wind chills.

But today I get to enjoy a nice cool day, although the temperatures seem to be dropping pretty fast.  It is only 51, 60's would be so much better.  Curling up on the couch with a hot cup of apple cider, a book and a blazing fire is one of my favorite things to do.  I know, I can do that in the winter too, and don't get me wrong I enjoy the snow, for the first few days.  After that I'm done and don't want to deal with it for another year.  Which is why coming home to visit for Christmas would give me my snow fix for the year.

Another great things about fall is all the fun crafts and snacks.  I made my first apple crisp last week, oh the smell of an apple crisp in the oven.  It is better than any air freshener or candle you can buy in the store.  Yesterday we made caramel apples.  Unfortunately for Dakota his braces are prohibiting him from enjoying them this year, but he did get to enjoy the fun of making them.

 

And then there is hot apple cider.  I haven't had any yet this year, but I think we might walk to the store after lunch and get some.  I'm pretty sure I saw a lady with a gallon checking out at the Jewel the other day but I didn't have the time to go back and look for it.  That can be our afternoon adventure.  And if we get hot apple cider, you know a fire and blankets with books on the couch will follow.  One more benefit to homeschooling, instead of sitting at a cold metal desks in school reading, my babies will be curled up on the couch with me.

Religion vs Relationship

A friend of mine recently emailed and we were talking about how it is coming up on 10 years that we've known each other.  He commented that 10 years later and now I'm the religious/righteous one.  The words religion/religious have come up a lot lately in my life.

My response to him was:

Funny how our religious (though I despise that word) views have changed. Hadn't really thought much about that. I was pretty lost 10 years ago and felt like God couldn't exist and if He did He obviously forgot about me a long time ago. You were debating on whether you should go on a mission. Crazy. 

Yeah in the last 10 years I have grown so much in my relationship with my Creator. I guess the term religion seems so cold, man made and so far from who I believe "He" (although I don't believe gender applies to "Him" it is easier for me to just use the male pronoun) is, relationship feels like a much better term to describe what I believe we are meant to experience. 

It's not enough to say you believe in God, or that you are a Christian.  If you are Catholic you follow this set of "rules" and if you are Methodist you have a different set and Baptist, and Mormon and on and on....

I guess I'm just not convinced that this was God's plan in sending Jesus.  I don't think He ever intended for us to view Him as a bunch of does and don'ts. I think more than anything He simply wants a relationship with us. I don't think that God is going to be angry with me because I chose to use birth control, only confessed my sins to Him and not a Priest, ate pork....  The list of rules could on forever.

I do however think that He is angry with me when I choose all these rules over relationships.  When rules are used to decide who is worthy and who isn't.  It is not my place or yours to decide who gets to come to the Father.  That is one of the greatest things about the cross, ALL can come.  Not just those the religious felt were worthy.  In fact go back to the Gospels, it was the people who the religious leaders of the day said were unclean and unworthy that Jesus was hanging out with.  He was hanging out with the prostitute, the tax collector, the Gentiles, those on the fringe.  The lost and the lonely, those that had given up on themselves and society had long forgot.

And what did He tell them?  That God loved them, that they were important in the Kingdom.  He welcomed them, He found out their needs and met them, where they were.  He didn't say, "I'll tell you what, you get your life together, follow all these rules and then and only then will I accept you", or "Sorry you joined the wrong church, we aren't taking Methodist members".  No, He not only accepted them, He met them.  He didn't sit in the synagogue waiting for people to realize they needed Him.  He went out and found them and loved them and shared His message, He brought God to them.

The whole time He was in ministry, He was in relationship.  Relationship with His Father, Relationship with the Disciples, Relationship with the lost. He wasn't some cold and distant King that sat on His throne where the people couldn't reach Him, He was out amongst them.  So if our King was out amongst the lost, where are we?

And speaking of Jesus, I think it must really anger God when we use rules instead of His Son to determine our worthiness.  People there is nothing you can do or not do to earn your salvation.  Christ did it, He covered it all on the cross.  You could live what you consider to be the most holy and pure life, and it still wouldn't be good enough without Jesus.  We are sinful by nature, we have messed up from the Garden of Eden, we will never get it right on our own, ever.

The self proclaimed righteous are no different from the murderer, the prostitute, the thief, the homosexual, all those that we as a society have deemed unworthy, all are God's children and all can come to the Father through Jesus Christ.

So I guess it doesn't matter how many good deeds you do, or how badly you've messed up, through Jesus we can all have a clean slate.  And through Jesus doesn't necessarily mean that you must do A then B and the finally C.  It simply means to have a relationship with Him.  Think about what a relationship is.  You know the other person, you think about them, you consult with them, you listen to them, you value the them, you LOVE them.

To me a relationship with God means that I want to know Him, and I want to be what He created me to be.  I can achieve this through His Word, through other believers, through all His creation.  Yeah, relationships are messy and relationships are hard, but without them it would be an awful lonely world.

So I challenge you to not only step out and build relationships with people, but more importantly build a relationship with God our Father.  Put down the rules and pull out your Bible.  Once you build a true relationship you won't need the rules, they will be in your heart.

Slacker

So I guess I've kinda been a slacker when it comes to blogging.  Maybe it is because I'm pretty convinced that nobody reads my blog other than myself.  However, I logged on today and saw that I have a follower!  =)  Hello my one and only follower, my cousin Dana and maybe Josh?  It is fitting that you are my only follower as you are the one who got me interested in the idea of blogging. 

This has been a crazy weird week, month, year.  We've had lots of changes; we moved, BIG change, we decided to homeschool our children, BIG BIG change, and we are in the process of finding a new church home, BIG BIG BIG change.  There have been other changes along the way but those are probably the three biggies.  It seems everything happens in three so it seemed fitting to pick just three.  But back to my point.  With change comes conflict, or at least it seems to in my life.  Conflict isn't always bad.  I can hear you say, good conflict?  Yeah the two words don't seem to go together cohesively, but they can, and if I have to experience conflict it is my preference.

A previous job actually had my co-workers and self attend a conflict resolution seminar.  It is amazing at all the different types of conflict there are, personal, situational, communication, organizational, and so on.  And there are good, bad and destructive management patters.  So having said that, the types of conflict we've experienced in our lives over the past year have been a mix and the management, well I wish I could say it was all good.  But I would be lying if I did.

Sunday morning Pastor Mark was preaching on conflict and he said, "God will disrupt us and conflict is normal".  And it made me think back to everything over the past year.  Man has He disrupted our lives in the last year and man oh man is the conflict here.  I felt better leaving on Sunday morning thinking of how minor my conflict is compared to some.  I mean He disrupted Noah asking him to build an Ark.  Imagine the conflict that must have brought for Noah.  Or when God positioned David to face Goliath.  Or changing Saul's conversion to Paul.

Makes my disruption seem like a piece of cake, only I've dealt with the conflict management completely wrong.  I've tried to handle it on my own, instead of giving it to God.  Wow, talk about a BIG mistake.  So with the help of God from today forward I'm giving it to Him.  I'm trusting Him to get us through this as He has my whole life.  I'm no longer going to try and fix it or change it, I'm going to go to my knees.  And then when the next big season of conflict comes around, hopefully I'll be a little wiser and a little more like Christ and will know how to better handle it.

So as you go about your life if you find yourself in a season of conflict, hang on God is moving and if you trust Him and put your faith in Him, He'll do some big things!!

Innocence

Well today was the start of our 4th week of the school year.  It has been an eventful journey so far.  Some days are awesome and others well, lets just say they are less than what I hoped for.  It is 5:30 and I am sitting in a laundry basket full of towels that need to be folded blogging.

Today was one of those less than I hoped for days.  Dakota is frustrated, he feels like his work is too hard, Drew didn't seem to remember anything today (typical Monday for him), Tannin is 5 what else can I say,  and Kat is just a busy toddler.  Makes homeschooling eventful.

During math today Drew suddenly disappeared to the backyard.  I look out the sliding door to see him stepping off feet in the backyard.  I ask him what he was doing and he says "Counting how many feet are in our yard".  Yeah the math question was "How many feet are in a yard".  Drew is so literal, at least I got a good laugh.

Homeschooling is definitely a whole new world.  Socially it is not the norm, so when someone asks where my kids go to school and I say we homeschool I usually get the response "Oh, you're brave".  To which I often want to say, I think it is braver to send your kids to public school, but I just smile as if to agree.

I know some people think we are wrong and are ruining our kids.  What about their social skills people ask.  I guess it would be better for my 5 year old to learn social skills from rude and obnoxious peers than from me.  And every time we went to parent teacher conferences the teacher would tell me that my boys talk to much.  They aren't here to socialize they would say.  One trip to the school, seeing the Jr. High with the on duty police officer, a walk down the halls to hear the language being used, gossip being spread and kids being bullied and I know that I can't ruin them anymore than public schools can.

But what about academics people will argue.  You don't have a degree.  In fact studies are showing that the United States is falling significantly behind other countries in the students that are graduating.  No Child Left Behind is a joke.  I have a child who has been left behind for too many years.  Public schools need funding, teachers need students with good test scores to look good, so they teach the test.  They aren't really teaching the kids, they are teaching the test and it is not working.

So while some days may be less than perfect, this is the world we live in.  I will continue to do what I believe God has called me to do, and I will continue to pray for His guidance and that my relationship with Him and my children's relationship with Him will grow and be filled with blessings because of the homeschool experience.  And if those relationships grow and flourish then the social and academic aspects will end up being exactly what they are meant to be.

Blogging

So I always said I would never blog, felt too much like an online journal.  It seems like everything is an open book in today's society.  But then I started reading my cousin's blog and found it kind of intriguing.  Not sure who would want to read my blog or why they would want to read it, but then again it really doesn't matter.

Lately I've been feeling restless again.  Maybe it's the seasons getting ready to change, maybe it's the fact that I'm homeschooling 3 children and tending to a baby all while trying to keep the house clean, laundry done, meals cooked, pantries stocked and drive the kids to sport practices.  Or maybe it is simply because I'm not where I'm suppose to be.  I could be crazy, but I feel like God is working on some big changes in our lives and the start of homeschooling is just the beginning.

There are so many things that I want to do in my life and staying stationary in Normal, Illinois is not one of them. It is so hard with kids and family.  My mom would kill me if I ever moved away with her grand-babies, and I think I would have a pretty hard time being too far away from her too.  Even though I tell her she could come with, I know she'll never leave this area.  When we moved from Mackinaw to Normal last year I thought I was going to die being 30 minutes away from her, yet there is this huge part of me that feels like an even bigger move is in our future.  I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  I know that a big move is what God has planned for our lives, He will provide.

As I'm sitting her typing this Kat is sitting in high chair in her pajamas giving me her famous cheese face.  The boys finished their breakfast awhile ago so they could play for a few minutes before we start school, which looking at the time, it is about that time.