Change

It seems that most of us struggle with change in one form or another. We are happy or comfortable with the way things are and then when something happens to change our circumstances it is difficult for us. Even before we know how the change will affect us we sometimes panic.

If I have learned anything through studying the books of Esther and Daniel it is in trusting God's sovereignty and time. We are all here because He has purposed us for this very moment in history. None of us are here by mistake; none of us were born too late or too early, we were born exactly when He purposed us. And the events in our lives are not accidental. We can choose to seek His will and destiny for our lives or we can sit by and let life idly pass us.

This season of life has been full of many changes for us. In the last 2 years we have moved, committed to homeschooling (which has been a very long road for us and has not been an easy choice), finding a new church home (again not easy), trying to build friendships (even harder yet). And through it all I have struggled greatly. I think this is why I sat on the fence for so long, it was easy.

My past has made it hard for me to truly find my place in a body of believers. I love, and I mean love Christ with all my being. I love who I am in Him, but there is still this part of me that has a hard time seeing myself the way He sees me. I struggle building new relationships and tend to pull back before I get close to people.

Being unable to see myself as a new creation in Him has made it very hard on me and I truly believe it is part of why I said no to the call to homeschooling for so long. There is still this part of me that feels so out of place in the homeschool community. I believe it is why I have very few true relationships with people at our church. We have lots of people we know, but very few people we "know" and live life with outside of Sunday morning.

I believe it is why I sat on the fence for most of my adult life. Because it was easier, safer. I didn't have to fear rejection. The world accepts me when I'm not living for Him. But that is not what I want even if it is easier. Through all this change there is one constant and that is my Heavenly Father, my Abba. Abba is truth, He is faithful, He is love...and that is enough when my world seems to be spinning out of control.